If there’s one thing I can say that is positively soul destroying, it’s looking for a job. And as someone that directs potential employers to this blog, that’s a risky thing to say! But hear me out!
So, number one. I don’t currently have “The Fear”. The fear is when you quit your current job and that gives you more incentive to look for a new job because ya know, rent and bills.
I don’t have that. I’m just in a job that I’m tired of. I’ve reached as far as I can go in the company and I need to challenge myself and look for new opportunities. It’s not the feat but its a fear that I’m using as motivation.
So, every day after work I scroll and scroll to try and find jobs. I start with the jobs I want. In content creation, writing, blogging basically I want to be paid to do this for a living!
Once I realize I’ve applied for all these jobs, I move on to casual work that will tide me over while I apply for more content creation jobs. Which is fine! I’ve applied for clothes shops, for cafe’s & reception jobs.
Yesterday I hit a new low though. I applied for the position of document scanner. A DOCUMENT SCANNER THAT WOULD SUIT A SEMI-RETIREE.
I feel like it’s at the stage where I should be thinking about giving up. But I won’t I will still apply for everything! There is a company out there somewhere that wants to hire me! They’re just making me work for it is all..
TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY. I’m a very youthful 25 because the years I spent smoking didn’t affect me at all. (that’s confession number 1.) & I say that with a heavy sarcasm because it did affect me! Massively! So let’s talk about the other 24 confessions!
- I was so eager to lose my virginity & prove a point to myself that I lost it on a couch with some dude I didn’t even really like/know.
- I spent 6 months arguing with my parents about my life because I was angry with what I chose to do with it. We can laugh about it now, but it was a waste of 6 months.
- I never thought I’d have to plan a life past 23/4/5 because I was convinced I’d never get that old. Not in a morbid way, I just wanted to be Peter Pan, I guess?
- I did however, have BIG plans for my early 20’s. Acting, owning a business, living in L.A. needless to say these were unrealistic and not actual dreams I’d ever want to pursue!
- I’ve lied to the police about my name to get out of getting in trouble. (nothing serious it was a noise complaint & I was like 15, shat my pants and called myself Clare Lawler.)
- My dad left when I was 5. & the world put immense pressure on me to feel it. Even though I didn’t and I always felt like I never missed out, I felt pressured into dealing with it.. If that makes sense?
- In my 24th year, he got in contact with me. & I shat my pants. (PS there might be a lot of shitting pants in this post!)
- I used to lie to friends and family about plans I had so I could stay home and read. I have no regrets.
- I forced myself to be in too many relationships that kept other people happy & not me.
- I ended too many relationships because I was bored with the other person.
- I have never been in a long term relationship & currently am in my 1st. 2.5 years in I haven’t ran away yet! GO TEAM
- In my life, I have made many, many friends but only 5 real ones have stuck around.
- Parents divorcing at 23 isn’t any easier than any other age. It may in fact be worse.
- Sometimes when I’m sad or stressed I masturbate to calm down.
- Thinking of 25 confessions is fucking hard.
- I have a memory of sexual assault. But I was so young I don’t know if it was a dream or not. So don’t talk about it.
- I’ve developed an addiction to coffee!
- But it’s better than my addiction to smoking which I quit btw!
- I complain all the time about being chubby, but never make the changes i need to to loose the extra chub.
- Realising that I’m allowed to do things for me has been life changing.
- The only reason I moved to Australia was because I won a radio contest & my boyfriend at the time dumped me.
- I still am not fully comfortable with my own body. Not weight wise, I mean when I look at my face or skin or hair, I don’t like it.
- Contradicting 22, there are obviously days where I wake up like fuck yes I look fantastic today! & those days are the good ones.
- LAST ONE. I’m in denial that I’m actually 25. & when people ask I automatically say 23. HAH I wish I was still 23 because I’m terrified of going back to uni as a late 20 something student.
There we have it friends. 25 confessions about my 25 years on this earth as a human.
It’s no secret that I’m a strong advocate of treat yo’self. Friends know that if they want to buy something and need confirmation that they should buy it then I’m the girl to talk to! I can rationalise spending money quicker than I can spend the money.
But even in instances that aren’t about a purchase.. Tomorrow is my birthday, the big 25 & around my birthday I get very, liberal with what I can eat. I adopt a ‘life’s too short’ mentality & with that have asked that my girlfriend makes me pancakes, that work get me a chocolate cake & told myself despite having cereal already today I can buy a cheese toastie to go with my coffee.
Do I care? Not necessarily. But it’s just such a happy time in my life. Guilt free eating! Guilt free shopping & guilt free lounging around in my pyjamas watching Moana. Again. For the 5th time.
When it’s close to your birthday, do you treat yourself with anything?
Yes, it’s October. & yes it’s a tad late to be doing this list.
But, let me explain myself! Next weekend I turn 25! Thats a quarter of a century and am I freaking out? Maybe. (thats a definite yes for those who don’t know me)
Usually around this time of year, I get really motivated for life, I kinda treat my birthday more like New Years than New Years. Last year, I joined a gym. Legit marched down and spent 300 dollars to join a gym and pay $25 a week not to go. Money well spent obviously.
This year, I’m taking a step back and making a list of goals to revisit at actual New Years. So what’s on the list you ask?
- FIND A NEW JOB
It’s no fucking secret that I am unhappy in my current line of work. & have put in half arsed attempts in finding a new job because I was busy with life & other things. Well now I have no excuses. If I’m unhappy I need to change it!
- BE HAPPY
This past year, has probably been one of the most unhappy that I’ve had. So I need to make a conscious effort to do more things for me, to actually enjoy my life.
- LESS ANXIOUS
This one i know I can’t technically control, but I think it ties into number 2. Because when I’m not happy, it triggers a whole pile of things to be anxious about that I shouldn’t be. With this one, I’m just going to focus on trying to control the things I get anxious about.
- EARN MORE MONEY
Usually people don’t put this on lists. & YES I know money isn’t everything. But right I now I earn enough to survive. & I’m at a stage in life where I need savings and grown up things.
- ENJOY LIFE
I really need to take time and stop, and appreciate life. Because I can tell you right now, I don’t. I’m always too worried about things, planning too much into the future & general being busy. I need to take time to stop and smell the roses! Actually I hate roses, let’s smell the fresh cut grass instead!
There we have it, 5 easy (probably easier than it sounds) goals for me to follow into my 25th (26th? I never know which one it is!!) year on this planet!
It’s no secret, everyone has ‘off’ days. I especially can wake up in the mother of all bad moods and am guilty of just lounging on the couch watching YouTube videos all damn day. But I recently read some advice I wanted to share! Because it was so simple, and really applied to my moods a lot.
The advice? BE MESSY.
Need some context? I’ve chatted before on here about my frustrations with creativity & how I can lack motivation. Basically to cut a long story short, when I’m in a bad mood and try to be productive, I end up being way too hard on myself. If I make a small mistake I get angry and frustrated and wind up in a worse mood than then I started! Super fun hey?
So if I think of it the advice to be messy is perfect. If I can just get myself to a place where I can write ANYTHING and not put any pressure on myself and the blog and basically anything creative that I want to do, imagine how amazing that would be? So it’s something that I really want to work on this month!
To put this plan into action, I obviously need to be in a bad mood. Which I’m not right now.. So we play the waiting game.
Other factors I’ll be including in my plan, coffee & Spotify. Usually the music I listen to when I write is a focus or study playlist from Spotify because it’s calm, the music is already there and it has an option to keep playing similar music once a playlist is over. Which takes the decision out of it so I can just roll with it.
I want to know though, how you get out of the slump? How you stop yourself retreating into a bottomless pit of the internet or movies.
So, I was on a fucking blogging roll the last week! Every day I managed to get a post up! & I was super proud of my little non committal self. However, a little thing called gastro ruined my life.
The day before we were due to move house, I had to call in sick at work because my innards tried to escape my body every 30 minutes. Can you imagine how scary it is trying to lift a fridge onto a trailer & not knowing if your body is going to betray itself? Lemme tell ya.. It’s not fun.
Even still I powered through! We put in a 13 hour day of going back and forth, with little water and no food until about 8PM. This was my first mistake!
The next day, Sunday, I felt tired and run down but the place still needed to be unpacked! We needed groceries and needed to clean in general so I powered through again!
Mistake number 2.
I woke up on Monday thinking that I was going to die. I managed to fall asleep in my toilet while coughing up blood. So needless to say, this week was a complete write off.
Today is the first day that I’m able to get up and move about and eat a bit more normally. Which is good, but now all I want to do is reorganise my ENTIRE HOUSE. My pantry makes no sense, my living room needs to be disinfected and I need to wash my entire wardrobe after being crinkled up in bags for 2 days.
The lesson I learned though, was to take it easy! & that I don’t need to prove to anyone that I can do the things that need to be done. When your body starts to be run down, just fucking listen to it next time, Lisa. Okay?
My remedies have been cold and flu tablets and many green teas! How do you make yourself feel better when you’re run down and not feeling great?
I’m writing this super late into the 5th but the minute I seen the topic I knew I had to write about it!
Education is something I took for granted, it’s something I assumed I’d always get back to and just eventually figure out. But I haven’t!
& I’ve talked many times before about not putting pressure on young people to figure out their entire life but now being 25 and looking back I can’t help but think to myself maybe there needs to be a balance?
Has anyone else found that, you definelty don’t need a degree to get a good job, but it sure as hell makes it a lot easier? Because right now for the jobs I’m looking at, they want a degree. I don’t have one so obviously it seems like I’m failing in life just a little.
But on the flip side, I have a life in Australia that I’d have never dreamed of if I stayed to study in Ireland! So it’s a strange one to think about.
In saying all that, continuining my education is something that I one hundred percent want to do, but did anyone else go the long way about this aspect of life? And do you have any regrets about it? Or even any regrets about studying! If that’s the path you took!