25 Confessions from my 25 Years

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY. I’m a very youthful 25 because the years I spent smoking didn’t affect me at all. (that’s confession number 1.) & I say that with a heavy sarcasm because it did affect me! Massively! So let’s talk about the other 24 confessions!

  1. I was so eager to lose my virginity & prove a point to myself that I lost it on a couch with some dude I didn’t even really like/know.
  2. I spent 6 months arguing with my parents about my life because I was angry with what I chose to do with it. We can laugh about it now, but it was a waste of 6 months.
  3. I never thought I’d have to plan a life past 23/4/5 because I was convinced I’d never get that old. Not in a morbid way, I just wanted to be Peter Pan, I guess?
  4. I did however, have BIG plans for my early 20’s. Acting, owning a business, living in L.A. needless to say these were unrealistic and not actual dreams I’d ever want to pursue!
  5.  I’ve lied to the police about my name to get out of getting in trouble. (nothing serious it was a noise complaint & I was like 15, shat my pants and called myself Clare Lawler.)
  6. My dad left when I was 5. & the world put immense pressure on me to feel it. Even though I didn’t and I always felt like I never missed out, I felt pressured into dealing with it.. If that makes sense?
  7. In my 24th year, he got in contact with me. & I shat my pants. (PS there might be a lot of shitting pants in this post!)
  8. I used to lie to friends and family about plans I had so I could stay home and read. I have no regrets.
  9. I forced myself to be in too many relationships that kept other people happy & not me.
  10. I ended too many relationships because I was bored with the other person.
  11. I have never been in a long term relationship & currently am in my 1st. 2.5 years in I haven’t ran away yet! GO TEAM
  12. In my life, I have made many, many friends but only 5 real ones have stuck around.
  13. Parents divorcing at 23 isn’t any easier than any other age. It may in fact be worse.
  14. Sometimes when I’m sad or stressed I masturbate to calm down.
  15. Thinking of 25 confessions is fucking hard.
  16. I have a memory of sexual assault. But I was so young I don’t know if it was a dream or not. So don’t talk about it.
  17. I’ve developed an addiction to coffee! 
  18. But it’s better than my addiction to smoking which I quit btw! 
  19. I complain all the time about being chubby, but never make the changes i need to to loose the extra chub. 
  20. Realising that I’m allowed to do things for me has been life changing. 
  21. The only reason I moved to Australia was because I won a radio contest & my boyfriend at the time dumped me. 
  22. I still am not fully comfortable with my own body. Not weight wise, I mean when I look at my face or skin or hair, I don’t like it. 
  23. Contradicting 22, there are obviously days where I wake up like fuck yes I look fantastic today! & those days are the good ones. 
  24. LAST ONE. I’m in denial that I’m actually 25. & when people ask I automatically say 23. HAH I wish I was still 23 because I’m terrified of going back to uni as a late 20 something student. 

There we have it friends. 25 confessions about my 25 years on this earth as a human. 

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Treat Yourself Always! But Especially on Your Birthday!

It’s no secret that I’m a strong advocate of treat yo’self. Friends know that if they want to buy something and need confirmation that they should buy it then I’m the girl to talk to! I can rationalise spending money quicker than I can spend the money. 

But even in instances that aren’t about a purchase.. Tomorrow is my birthday, the big 25 & around my birthday I get very, liberal with what I can eat. I adopt a ‘life’s too short’ mentality & with that have asked that my girlfriend makes me pancakes, that work get me a chocolate cake & told myself despite having cereal already today I can buy a cheese toastie to go with my coffee. 

Do I care? Not necessarily. But it’s just such a happy time in my life. Guilt free eating! Guilt free shopping & guilt free lounging around in my pyjamas watching Moana. Again. For the 5th time. 

When it’s close to your birthday, do you treat yourself with anything? 

Warcross, Marie Lu // Review & Spoilers

I’m not one for doing plot recaps and book introductions, so if you don’t know what Warcross is about, here’s the brief rundown.
Set in the future, a virtual reality ‘game’ has taken over the world and is so popular it’s essentially a way of life. The creator Hideo is a billionaire and enlists the help of Emika, a young hacker/ bounty hunter to help him find a hacker that’s glitching out the VR world of Warcross and trying to sabotage the final games.

The hackers online name is Zero & that’s what we’ll call them for now! Zero is elusive; from the very start we are lead to question everyone that Emika meets because she’s suspicious at everyone. Until she narrows it down a bit and eliminates some options I was convinced it was the wrong person. Which was great because it kept me guessing and I didn’t get bored! (I’ll talk more about the people later)

The world that Lu created was AMAZING to me because it’s just scary that that’s where we are heading! When I stop and think of all the companies fighting to bring out the next big move in virtual reality, how long will it take for us to actually live in a virtual world?Where we sit at home and can work in a virtual office with virtual people from all over the world? It kinda fascinates me & Warcross just captured the world perfectly.

Hideo the billionaire, he’s strange. This is where the spoilers kick in guys so if you don’t want to be ruined. Turn away!
He’s strange because he’s build up to be this restrained but lovely person. Like you can tell he has issues and it’s almost like..  So, you know when you find out a villain had a redeeming quality? It’s that but in reverse! You find out that Hideo’s brother disappeared while they played together one day & he takes it hard (obviously, I mean.. he lost his brother. I’d be messed up too) BUT that’s the reason why Hideo thinks he can roll out a new technology that will stop people from committing crime. A good gesture, but takes away people’s free will! A thing Emika has a problem with because she committed a crime, but it was in defence of a friend.

I should say, Hideo and Emika get it on a bit which isnt a surprise! BUT I’m calling it now, that Emika actually falls in love with Zero in the next books. & it will be a love triangle-ish. Oh yeah, it will be an awkward triangle because Zero is actually Hideo’s missing brother! & hacked the game to try and stop the mind control techniques that Hideo was planning!

& with that my friends, I’m off to download Legend. A book I read years ago but didn’t finish. Because a little bird told me that Warcross and Legend is set in the same world! & now I need to catch up.

Let’s Try This Reading Thing Again

It’s not that I ever fell out of love with reading, it’s just that I always found an excuse. I had no time, I was too tired.. Blah, blah blah. I always managed to put it off which looking back on it makes me quite sad because I love reading. It’s always brought me such joy!

It’s been a while since I bought a book that got me excited to dive into it! The last book I really got into was A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J Maas. & I loved it! If my memory is right, it was the 3rd book in the series & I was loving it! But that was ages ago, and I have to admit I have yet to finish it. It’s not that it’s not a fantastic series! Because it’s amazing and let’s be honest, Sarah J. Maas could write about a potato wedge & I’d read it.

Because it’s been so long since I started to read that, I feel like I can’t just pick it up and finish it off. So, I went shopping!
I managed to find my kindle, it’s pretty old at this stage it’s about 4? But works well & I always forget how amazing it is! Especially because I have a longer commute to work now since moving I can use the extra time to read, & I don’t have room in my bad for a big book.

Anyway, I bought Marie Lu’s Warcross! & I’m SUPER excited for it because I remember reading Marie Lu when I was younger and she had a trilogy called Legend & I couldn’t get into it at all. I wasn’t big into trilogies when I was a teen, what can I say.. I loved the first one though, & remember thinking I wanted to read more of her stuff.

FUN FACT: Up until this point I didn’t realise that I had downloaded The Young Elites! I think I read it on holiday, while on a 14 hour flight to Vietnam! & after googling, realised also that Lu wrote that too. Jesus. Does anyone remember when I was an actual good book blogger? Because I sure don’t.

Back to the matter at hand though, I’m even more excited to read Warcross now because I enjoyed The Young Elites.

Because it’s October I’m also pretty excited to read some horror! First on the list is IT by Stephen King, for obvious reasons. But I’m in need of more recommendations! So if you have any favourite books to read at this time of year, please, please let me know!

Until then, happy reading!

Life Goals 2017

Yes, it’s October. & yes it’s a tad late to be doing this list.

But, let me explain myself! Next weekend I turn 25! Thats a quarter of a century and am I freaking out? Maybe. (thats a definite yes for those who don’t know me)

Usually around this time of year, I get really motivated for life, I kinda treat my birthday more like New Years than New Years. Last year, I joined a gym. Legit marched down and spent 300 dollars to join a gym and pay $25 a week not to go. Money well spent obviously.

This year, I’m taking a step back and making a list of goals to revisit at actual New Years. So what’s on the list you ask?

  1. FIND A NEW JOB
    It’s no fucking secret that I am unhappy in my current line of work. & have put in half arsed attempts in finding a new job because I was busy with life & other things. Well now I have no excuses. If I’m unhappy I need to change it!
  2. BE HAPPY
    This past year, has probably been one of the most unhappy that I’ve had. So I need to make a conscious effort to do more things for me, to actually enjoy my life.
  3. LESS ANXIOUS
    This one i know I can’t technically control, but I think it ties into number 2. Because when I’m not happy, it triggers a whole pile of things to be anxious about that I shouldn’t be. With this one, I’m just going to focus on trying to control the things I get anxious about.
  4. EARN MORE MONEY
    Usually people don’t put this on lists. & YES I know money isn’t everything. But right I now I earn enough to survive. & I’m at a stage in life where I need savings and grown up things.
  5. ENJOY LIFE
    I really need to take time and stop, and appreciate life. Because I can tell you right now, I don’t. I’m always too worried about things, planning too much into the future & general being busy. I need to take time to stop and smell the roses! Actually I hate roses, let’s smell the fresh cut grass instead!

There we have it, 5 easy (probably easier than it sounds) goals for me to follow into my 25th (26th? I never know which one it is!!) year on this planet!

We All Have ‘Off’ Days & This is How I Get Motivated!

It’s no secret, everyone has ‘off’ days. I especially can wake up in the mother of all bad moods and am guilty of just lounging on the couch watching YouTube videos all damn day. But I recently read some advice I wanted to share! Because it was so simple, and really applied to my moods a lot.

The advice? BE MESSY.

Need some context? I’ve chatted before on here about my frustrations with creativity & how I can lack motivation. Basically to cut a long story short, when I’m in a bad mood and try to be productive, I end up being way too hard on myself. If I make a small mistake I get angry and frustrated and wind up in a worse mood than then I started! Super fun hey?

So if I think of it the advice to be messy is perfect. If I can just get myself to a place where I can write ANYTHING and not put any pressure on myself and the blog and basically anything creative that I want to do, imagine how amazing that would be? So it’s something that I really want to work on this month!

To put this plan into action, I obviously need to be in a bad mood. Which I’m not right now.. So we play the waiting game.
Other factors I’ll be including in my plan, coffee & Spotify. Usually the music I listen to when I write is a focus or study playlist from Spotify because it’s calm, the music is already there and it has an option to keep playing similar music once a playlist is over. Which takes the decision out of it so I can just roll with it.

I want to know though, how you get out of the slump? How you stop yourself retreating into a bottomless pit of the internet or movies.

The Return of Blogtober, Being Sick & Moving House.

So, I was on a fucking blogging roll the last week! Every day I managed to get a post up! & I was super proud of my little non committal self. However, a little thing called gastro ruined my life.

The day before we were due to move house, I had to call in sick at work because my innards tried to escape my body every 30 minutes. Can you imagine how scary it is trying to lift a fridge onto a trailer & not knowing if your body is going to betray itself? Lemme tell ya.. It’s not fun.
Even still I powered through! We put in a 13 hour day of going back and forth, with little water and no food until about 8PM. This was my first mistake!
The next day, Sunday, I felt tired and run down but the place still needed to be unpacked! We needed groceries and needed to clean in general so I powered through again!

Mistake number 2.

I woke up on Monday thinking that I was going to die. I managed to fall asleep in my toilet while coughing up blood. So needless to say, this week was a complete write off.

Today is the first day that I’m able to get up and move about and eat a bit more normally. Which is good, but now all I want to do is reorganise my ENTIRE HOUSE. My pantry makes no sense, my living room needs to be disinfected and I need to wash my entire wardrobe after being crinkled up in bags for 2 days.

The lesson I learned though, was to take it easy! & that I don’t need to prove to anyone that I can do the things that need to be done. When your body starts to be run down, just fucking listen to it next time, Lisa. Okay?

My remedies have been cold and flu tablets and many green teas! How do you make yourself feel better when you’re run down and not feeling great?