Life Plans

So, I just made a video about how this time last year I had plans. I was quitting a job that I hated, I was anxious as fuck but it felt amazing to be making such a pro-active decision in my career path!

Well, one year later, I’m here to say… Nothing has changed.

That’s right, I’m in the same job as I quit (same job, different place) and I couldn’t feel worse about it. In the video I outlined the reasons why I am where I am and it’s mostly financial. I have bills, rent & a kitten that depends on me to earn the bucks to keep him in salmon and ocean fish.
All joking aside though, today it dawned on me that staying in a job that I hate and am unhappy in is taking it’s toll in more ways than I thought.

Not only am I angry and emotional like 90% of the time, I’ve lost myself.
I don’t do anything I enjoy anymore, if there is a social event happening, I avoid it like the plague. I don’t read as much anymore. I never make videos anymore as much as I want to, and all in all I don’t even write on here anymore.

I’ve put all of the above down to ‘time’ and not having enough of it. But that’s bullshit. I work for 8 hours a day. If I wanted to fit other thing in, I could. I just didn’t want to. I lost an entire part of myself.

As I’m sitting here writing this I’m getting totes emosh, because it’s forcing me to realise just how unhappy I am.

Life plans change all the time, and it gets to the point that you just need to go with the flow, but what happens when the flow is the complete opposite direction to where I need to be?
I know that my dreams are possible and will be a reality eventually, but my dream’s cost money for study, it costs money for bills & rent. & until I have that money do I stay where I am? & keep working away while trying to reclaim myself? OR do I quit, find a job that will just pay the bills then leave once I’ve found that dream job?
I seriously think we all need a fairy Godmother to come and tell us what to do.. Because decisions are HARD.

// Have you been in the same position? Or are in the same position? How do you deal with it? What did you decide to do?


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