Right. This one is a touchy subject. I am not socially anxious. I actually enjoy being around people and look forward to events with friends.
I do not like being out late, and I don’t like drinking a lot of alcohol. My reasons are my own I guess but what gets me is when people have an expectation.
The expectation is to come to he party you were invited too, not just come but stay and get trashed till 2am, fall home and not remember anything through the painful throbbing of a hangover.
Because I enjoy going out, I say yes to social things. Obviously. But it gets to a time in the night that I just want to retreat to my home, wind down and get ready for the next day. There’s a few ways I manage to do this.
- I sneak away like a ninja into the night.
- I lie.
- I get emotional and angry to the point of tears & people tell me to leave.
Number 3 is a bitch.
So, I want to give you guys an example. There was a night where it was a birthday, I showed up for dinner & had drinks but then decided to leave while the others went to the club. Some understood. Others treated me like I had stabbed their puppy and trashed their car.
How dare I go home, just one drink, why was I leaving, so many questions.
We agreed to share a uber and I would hop out at the train station. But I could see my friends tell the driver to keep going and then it happened. I panicked. There were tears and I was locked in place in he back of a car going exactly where I didn’t want to.
Luckily my eyes met the drivers and I pleaded with her to stop & she did.
But that feeling stayed with me. It turned to frustration, it then changed to confusion. Why wasn’t I allowed to not go to the club. Why did they have a say over how I spend my time. Why did I feel so shitty about the whole experience.
After that I started saying no. Because it was easier, because it was a choice I had to make between feeling like that and sacrificing my social circles. It’s easier. It’s less painful. & I just don’t get invited now.
At least if I do get invited I never get a response to my polite decline.
It’s sad, but certain experiences make or break a person. & for me learning to manage my time and understand my time is my own to spend or waste as I choose.