Making Things You’re Not Proud Of

I guess this is something I constantly think about.
I recently started messing around with watercolour paints I got for my birthday , last October. I had such an exciting time picking them out and planning sessions I where I could sit down, paint and rediscover an old passion.

But it never happened. Because I the fear of what I was doing not being good stopped me. I’ll tell you right now that’s a shit excuse. That being said, last week I sat down, and just did it.

What did I paint?

A block of blue, & a block of orange. It was a sunset. & it was terrible. But I was happy, not exactly proud of it but I started and that’s half the battle with me.. Trying to get started. I never see the end goal, I just see the shitty paint job in front of me, convince myself it’ll never work and leave it.

As I type this out, it feels like I’m wasting my life away. Let’s take YouTube for example. It’s an easy platform to use. You talk, record it, upload it and interact with people. My channel has been stuck for about 3 years, after relative growth. I want it to be Perfect, with a capital ‘P’. But I get so frustrated with it, I’ll upload a crappy video made on my phone just to get the content up. Because I crave the content. I want to make things, so things with my time that isn’t watching Simpsons re-runs on my days off.

The problem comes when the title of this post comes into play. I’m craving the content, but the content I’m making, I’m not proud of.

So I stop.

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